A FEW TIMES I'VE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK SO IT'S NOT JUST GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT

I'm a sports nut. Always have been. I lived for Sundays on the couch with Pa Dukes to watch the Queens (our pet name for the MN Vikings) continue to disappoint the loyal fans of Minnesota. I especially remember those amazing years of Robert Smith at RB, Moss at WR, and Culpepper at QB. Those were great years.

Having been an athlete for so many years, I totally get that when the season ends, it's a huge load lifted and you can't wait to get some sort of a "life" back. So I understand wanting to let loose a bit, but each and every year, those NFL geniuses more than let loose-- they get stupid. Every bloody year, a couple dozen bozos get caught up in some legal crap due to, as far as I can tell, their own senselessness. What's so wrong with being a mature, responsible human being? Who cares if you've got millions, guess what: you are still human and are required to behave with respect just like the rest of us mere mortals.

But no, after a long, hard season (enter wimpering violins) all too many of those dolts head to the clubs with weapons, or drive after downing 30 beers, or go all champagne-room sleezeball on some barely dressed, drunk 'lady' with low self-esteem. It's beyond obnoxious. And no matter how many guys make examples of bad behavior out of themselves, surely the next offseason there'll be another round of farce on blast for the world to see. Great. Now that's news. Pfffffffff.....

No here's some real winners for ya', all having taken place since New Years (oy vay):

4/12/10: Seahawks' LineBacker Leroy Hill arrested, accused of assaulting girlfriend

4/1/10: Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers was arrested Thursday at Hopkins International Airport for having a loaded gun in his carry-on luggage.

4/1/10: Seahawks linebacker Leroy Hill pleaded guilty to a charge of marijuana possession Thursday and will serve 12 months of probation.

3/22/10: Miami Dolphins running back Ronnie Brown, who had been in the suburban Atlanta area to help celebrate his parents' anniversary, was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence of alcohol and released from jail a few hours later, officials said Monday.

3/13/10: Packers TE Spencer Havner is arrested for DUI.

3/6/10: Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger accused of sex assault

2/23/10: Chargers WR Vincent Jackson pleads guilty to DUI charges.

2/20/10: Dolphins CB Will Allen is arrested for DUI.

2/19/10: Redskins CB Byron Westbrook is arrested for DUI, negligent driving, and failure to drive right of center.

2/7/10: Dolphins DE Tony McDaniel is arrested for misdemeanor battery.

2/2/10: Cowboys FB Deon Anderson is arrested for traffic warrants and brandishing a weapon.

2/2/10: Bengals LB Rey Maualuga pleads guilty to DUI.

1/30/10: Chiefs CB Michael Richardson is arrested for various alcohol-related charges.

1/18/10: Redskins G Chad Rinehart is arrested for public intoxication.

1/17/10: Chargers WR Vincent Jackson is arrested for driving with a suspended license.

1/15/10: Former Bears DT Dusty Dvoracek is arrested for public intoxication, assault and battery, and interference with an official process.

1/12/10: Jets WR Braylon Edwards pleads no contest to assault charges.

1/10/10: Bucs S Jermaine Phillips is arrested for felony domestic battery by strangulation.

1/1/10: Colts WR Taj Smith is arrested for DUI.

Second only to Tiger (who doesn't count in this conversation, because I'm ragging on NFL guys, not weenie golfers), is this hilarious one from '09:

San Diego Chargers star outside linebacker Shawne Merriman said he did not harm reality TV star Tila Tequila at his home early Sunday and added he was concerned for her safety because she appeared to be intoxicated.

For those of you unaware, here's Tequila:

Yeah, I'm sooooo sure he was "concerned for her safety". Uh huh. That's what they call a drunk tussle with a silicone-filled tan bottle who goes by the classy name "Tequila" these days: concern. Riiiiiiight. Let me guess- she needed your concerned help taking her pants off and dancing on a pole too? Gee, Shawn, you're so compassionate. Thank goodness you're looking out for Tila, what WOULD she do without your 'concern'?

Ok, I'm officially nose-diving from my soap box into a world of stylish home decor and delight. More (uplifting) commentary to come.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I am not, for one moment, asserting that all NFL dudes are this blockheaded. I am proud to be friends with a few of the "good guys". It's just too bad their bad apple counterparts pop up in the news more than those actually making a positive impact in our communities..

*Styx, signing off